I've wanted (and not wanted) to share this here. But my fingers and pride kept me from pushing POST. But I think you should know ... I've suffered a relapse.
Like any good addict, I stuck to my plan really well for a long time. I went 9 months with ZERO Diet Coke. Then, I thought I had put enough space between it that possibly, just possibly, I cold have ONE Diet Coke on my Arizona girls weekend. Well, it was pretty much downhill after that. That sweet nectar tasted so good. I wasn't like others that no longer had a taste for it. Nope. I still REALLY REALLY LIKED IT.
After girls weekend where I merely dabbled I stopped again and then came Spring Break. I had a can a day on Spring Break. It wasn't until I got home that the full relapse happened.
It went something like this.
On Monday's I worked in a McDonald's while Noah went to a school down the street. Yes, there are better places to work but for $1 I could have iced tea all the live long day and free Wi-fi and work. It was a little happy place. I was combining non sweet tea with sweet tea. And one day I looked at the actual menu where it said "Sweet Tea 220 calories" and I almost barfed right there. WHY ON EARTH DID I THINK THIS DELICIOUS DRINK WAS NON CALORIC is beyond me. But many many days I sat there and refilled this drink over and over again. Calories upon calories -- and this was a time I was NOT pushing the scale in the right direction.
And then I thought "Why the hell did I give up ZERO CALORIE Diet Coke??!?!?" Oh yeah, to feel better and simply because I KNOW it's bad for me. The thing is, quitting Diet Coke didn't make me feel better or impact my weight loss. HOWEVER, now that I've had it back a little bit, I've realized it DOES trigger that SUGAR CRAVING badly and I have to keep that in check.
So. That is the story of how I almost made it ONE YEAR DIET COKE free and was a complete #fail.
I didn't want to admit this or post this but my mom reminded me "We love your blog because you are human and you keep it real." So admitting this here holds me accountable and lets you all know that I AM human and quitting addiction is hard. If anything, this has made me empathize with addicts a bit more. It is really hard to give up something that is a comfort, brings you joy, makes your feel good or is a light on a bad bad day. I have a greater appreciation for those that suffer addiction.
I will quit again. I know I can. And I will. I don't know when honestly. I'm about to embark on a summer with all of the kids home and that is very overwhelming to me. Diet Coke has become a crutch again and I need to find a healthy replacement. (One without calories!).
So. There you have it. The truth. My confession of the day.